Pain In The A$$ Lawsuit

By: Michael Seinberg

You’re in Dallas Texas in August. What comes to mind? HOT! Well, in August 2010, that didn’t occur to Jennelle Carillo who sat on a black marble bench outside Cowboys Stadium. She was there to attend the Blue & Gold scrimmage game and temperatures that day were reportedly more than 100 degrees.

After taking a seat, Carillo claims that she was severely burned on her buttocks. Rather than attend the game, she left and sought and medical attention. She then learned that she had received severe burns that landed her in the hospital for about a week and required skin grafts, according to one report. Fast forward to 2012 and suddenly Carillo, long past her burns, one would hope, has filed suit against the Cowboys and their owner, Jerry Jones because she claims the burns were their fault for not warning her about the hot bench.

Yes, you did just read that correctly. An adult woman, who sat on a black marble bench that was exposed to the sun for an extended period in August in Dallas is suggesting Jerry Jones or one of his staff should have been there to warn her. At the very least a sign should have been posted. It would probably read, “Dark benches are hot when it’s hot and sunny.”

Carillo’s attorney, Michael Wash claims that his client suffered mental anguish, physical pain and disfigurement as a result of her wounds. There was no mention of how much money she’s asking for but she is looking for a jury trial and payment of court fees, interest and a damage amount that the jury will determine.

To make all this even sillier, Wash claims that his client was wearing long pants at the time of the incident, so it would seem there was no direct butt-to-marble contact. That would mean she had to have perched there for longer than a second or two to get that badly burned through clothing. So that begs any number of questions such as why didn’t she get up real fast when she felt discomfort? Does she suffer from some rare numb butt malady? Is she dumber than the bench she sat on? And the proverbial question: Why did it take two years to file suit? Did it take her that long to find a lawyer dumb enough to go after the Cowboys and Jones in a Texas court?

So many questions and so few answers. Makes you want to take a seat and ponder for a good long time. Indoors.

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