Man Steamed at Arby’s Urinal

By: Michael Seinberg

In what can only be seen as one of the great mysteries of the modern world, Kenneth Dejoie of Aurora, CO has filed a lawsuit against Arby’s because they allegedly tried to steam clean his genitals.

The mystery began two years ago when Dejoie was “utilizing” a urinal at the Arby’s restaurant in Monument, CO. He claims that at some point in the process, a blast of steam issued from the urinal in question and burned his genitals. When he reported the errant plumbing to an employee, the response was, “We have that bathroom problem again….this happens when the sink in the kitchen is running.”

The mystery thickens when you try and figure out, using modern plumbing technology, how using a sink in a kitchen could cause steam to issue from a urinal. Without some serious Hollywood style special effects, this seems a little unlikely. Further enhancing the mystery is why Dejoie took a full two years to file the suit.

He is asking for damages for financial losses and as a result of his alleged injuries, he was unable to have sex with his wife. If Dejoie’s “bedroom duties” were harmed so drastically, why wait two full years to file suit? And financial losses? Unless Dejoie makes his living in the adult film industry, it’s tough to figure how he incurred financial losses. There is no word on how much Dejoie and his lawyer are seeking, though they claim they are trying to settle the case out of court.

A local TV station aired footage of the urinal in question, even showing it in a “utilized” (unflushed) fashion and flushing. No steam was noted.

I’ve heard of high tech Japanese toilets that have heated seats, cleansing jets, warm air dryers, and so on. Perhaps Arby’s was secretly testing something like that and things go out of hand. In any case, the mystery of the steamed genitals may go down in history just like the Bermuda Triangle and Donald Trump’s hair. Unexplainable, but mesmerizing.

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